Everything passes; everything wears out; everything breaks.
I am about to start a new phase in my life - that seems to be a constant theme for me over the past few years actually. I am getting ready to move at the end of this week - back home with my family. I am a little less than excited about this, after years of living on my own.
Unfortunately it seems like the best idea for the time being so I can focus more of my attention on my progress toward graduate school. I am excited about this prospect of the move, I am ready to get serious about school again.
I've had to put my plans for graduate school on hold several times already, so I hope that in moving home I'll be able to focus more and actually pull through.
I am also hoping the change in locations will help me with a change in my life. I am ready for this part of my life - the part of being hurt and miserable and unsure of everything - can be left behind during my move.
I want to leave it behind and start fresh again.
I know it's not going to be easy, or quick, but I am hoping a change of scenery, where so many places remind me of things I can't have anymore, I'm hoping that will help the healing.
I'm tired of feeling unwanted, and just all the myriad of emotions that I've been feeling recently. I am ready to be happy again - I am ready to feel good about myself again - I'm ready to start moving on. Even though it's scary as hell.
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Starting Over
- k
- "Gently did my soul / Put off her veil, and, self-transmuted, stood / Naked, as in the presence of her God"
4 comments:
It IS scary as hell, you're right. However, pressing the "reset" button on your whole life is often the greatest rush there is-- as soon as you can start to see it as more of an adventure than a nightmare.
You know, k, an old mentor used to say to me: "Everything will not be all right. But something will." I think about that a lot these days, and I hope maybe thinking that will help you too.
Please know that there are people out here pulling for you. Good luck. I wish you the best of new beginnings.
~C
Yep, Goodluck! I think it will help you come to terms with where you are in life and help you move forward.
Hugs
xxxx
i'm so sorry i didn't see this when you first posted it.
your situation resonated so much with me, which has made me even sadder that it didn't work out. i think i kept hoping that since the philosopher and i somehow made it through 3 break-ups, you would, too. so i'm angry that Irch didn't have the strength to try again.
D/s is all about taking risks. any love is about taking risks. hell, LIFE is all about taking risks. and it really hurts when one person is ready to throw caution to the winds and the other person just gets seasick.
i love what votary said. every bit of it. i only wish that pressing the reset button would wipe away everything. but the hurt still remains. i still carry around some very old hurts that keep coming back like a chronic illness. but perhaps they have also managed to make me stronger. at the very least, i like to think i've learned enough from them to allow me to love better this time.
eventually, you will be ready for a next time. and eventually, you will have one.
meanwhile, good luck with the move.
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