So Irch and I have been emailing back and forth recently. After wibbling and wobbling about emailing him that first time, I managed to make a response. And since then we've been emailing slowly, not anything very special, mostly just how's your day and we did a little catching up for all that time that we didn't talk.
It's been strange - to go from being friends for years, and then lovers and then to not talking and now we're tentatively starting things up again. It's a bit like starting over but we both still know everything about one another.
It is hard, I feel like I don't know what to say to him anymore, what is off limits, what's fair game.
The one thing though, is I'm always left wanting more. I want to talk to him more, to hear his voice again, to be able to use messenger again, or even more frequent emails. And I don't know if that's good for me or not. If I should just cut myself off, because I'm always going to hope there could be more, or if it's worth trying to be friends so I don't have to say good-bye to so many years of friendship.
I just really don't want to lose my best friend, again.
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Starting Over
- k
- "Gently did my soul / Put off her veil, and, self-transmuted, stood / Naked, as in the presence of her God"
3 comments:
It's none of my business, really, and I don't get a vote... but I was in a relationship kind of like yours and ended it about 2 years ago.
I was clear on why I was ending it with the man I loved.
But after that, I needed a clean break. We've sent maybe 4 emails, and had one very ugly IM conversation since then.
But I am clear that it was best, for me anyway, to stay away.
Good luck.
k - i've been thinking about you. the philosopher tried to break up with me yet again, saying he just can't sustain anything, or "give me what i need", not to mention put up with my mood swings, while he's still trying to finish the Damn Dissertation. so rather than break up, i persuaded him to try a period of no contact whatsoever for 2 full months. i don't know what after that.
so i've ben thinking about you and Irch and the hazards of a long-distance relationship even when you ARE so close, you ARE best friends. i don't know... i thought we could pull it off... i don't know... but i think the weaknesses are in ourselves, not in the nature of the beast.
good luck in finding a balance now. good luck in finding what works. i'll be watching and rooting for you and hoping to learn something.
There are certainly reasons why things happen although we may not realize it at the time. But I'm sure that things will clear up and that you will find your way. I wish you the best of luck and happiness. Take care.
tina from Sweden
http://tinaslut.blogspot.com
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