In flux

These past several years have been a time of discovery and change for me.

For so long I found my identity in Irch and who I was to him, and it was so easy to just be His. It was so easy to let that inform every part of my life and who I was. There is a certain amount of certainty that comes with being owned, in knowing there is always someone there who can remind you of who you are when you forget and pushes you to constantly be your best self. And I really fell into that with Irch.

When things fell apart there I was suddenly left without that support structure I hadn't even realized I was leaning so heavily upon. I was no longer His and I was just me and for a long time I didn't know who me was.

I'm always k, but without Irch there I wasn't entirely sure what that meant.

So these years since then have been a process, an examination of self and desire and want and life.

I am much more firmly sure of things now than I ever have been in the past, I know much more clearly the things I want and desire for myself, and I'm not nearly as afraid of being on my own as I used to be. It's still taking time, it's still occasionally a struggle, but that's life. All of life is a struggle, and knowing just a small bit of who you are makes it easier to cope with those times that are hard, and those times that wear down on you. Because you can always look to that constant of who you are.

I am still growing and changing every day. I am making new realizations about myself constantly, and I'm looking forward to sharing them all with the world.