I stumbled across a letter I wrote to Irch - it was something I wrote the day before he flew out to meet me for the first time. I was so nervous typing it up, it was something for him to read during his flight out here to say the things that I was sure I wouldn't be able to voice when he was with me in person.
Just reading through it, several times, brought back such a wave of emotions, I was unprepared for how it left me - somewhere between devastated once more, and angry, and glad that we went through with it anyway, despite the way things turned out. Because even if things did fall apart at least I got to be his, and truly his for a few months, and in the end that was what I wanted.
There are so many things that worry me about this, about actually meeting you, that I might never have had to deal with if we decided never to meet in person.
But despite all that, despite how nerve wracking this may be for me and all that.
I just want you to know, that I love you
I love you --, I love you more than I’ve ever thought I could love someone. I love you in ways I didn’t know I could love some one, and I want you. I want you more than I’ve wanted anything. I want this to work, and I want to meet you and I want to look into your eyes.
And I want to be Yours.
For a few months, my world was right and good and better than I could have hoped for, even with it's flaws.
2 comments:
hugs sweetie
Hisflower
dear k, i'm so glad you are able now able to see the good that came out of your experience, even if it ended in pain - and not the kind of pain you that excites and fulfills us.
at least you got to truly experience a deep connection, and one that went beyond the internet. (tho to be honest, i can't remember, maybe you had already experienced D/s in the flesh?)
on the other hand, i get so frustrated. i do wonder for you whether he is reading this, i do wonder if he is trying to get himself together enough to risk what you might have had. even at a distance.
i do know how hard a long-distance relationship is. i know how hard ANY relation is! i hope you will hold on to the good parts, and when you have healed, and the next special person comes along, you will still believe in the possibility of happiness and take one step towards it. and then another. with no guarantees but a renewed hope.
it may take a few tries... but it's worth it when you finlaly get there.
hold on to the good parts. and knwo that you are worth them.
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