Waitress

Recently I've been filled with an almost overwhelming urge to call him - or email or text or any of the other things we used to do to communicate with one another. I miss just talking with him, hearing him laugh, being silly together.

We were friends long before we were romantically involved, and that's what I miss the most these days.

Of course there are the days I miss hearing that he loves me over and over and over, and the phone calls just to fill me in on his day, and the way he used to look at me - it made me feel like there was no one else on earth but the two of us. Like I was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. I miss just being able to look at someone else and know that I am loved in that deep soul touching life altering sort of way.

I miss all of that - and there aren't days where I don't have overwhelming urges to have all that back again.

But what I miss most is my friend. I miss the person I could turn to when I was having a problem, and the person who could always make me laugh, and the person I could go to for any sort of advice I might ever need, and the person I could just vent to when I'd had a bad day.

It feels like I don't have anyone to do that with anymore.

And god do I miss that.

I am trying to start fresh, to build up my life from the broken pieces - but it's harder than anything I've had to do before. To start over without the comfort of a trusted support system, some days it seems almost impossible.