foundations

According to the entry dates I stopped writing here nearly two years ago. Two years. I think I am a significantly different person now than who I was then. The foundation is the same of course, I am always and will always be me, but the trappings are different now.

2009 brought a lot of troubles in the way of family my way, and it really pulled me out of any momentum I had going toward exploring myself and looking toward new experiences in my life. It was a hard year for us, but we made it - like we always do and despite the losses we experienced that year, we were stronger for them.

2010 was something of a mystery to me.

Having fallen out of patterns I'd built up for myself I felt kind of lost as I put the pieces back together from the year before. It was not without it's triumphs of course, there were a great many good things about the last year that I am very glad happened. 2010 was a year of shaping and changing for me and it's left me here at the start of 2011 not entirely sure what I am going to do with myself.

So here I am starting over again. It seems to be a bit of a habit with me, but we'll see how it goes.

Stepping out

I wonder if anyone comes across this blog anymore. Or if, perhaps, it has simply been forgotten. Not that I would blame anyone if that has been the case. I did sort of leave things on a final note when last I was here.

But I wonder.

Is there anyone out there? I've been thinking of delving back into this part of myself again, and if that is to be the case then I need a place in which to explore. And this would be my preference.

It's a new year, and I've made a lot of changes to myself, and I'm looking forward to a great deal more.

Living Life

You know, I created this blog a little less than a year ago - after a pretty heart wrenching break up with Irch. I wasn't sure who I was anymore then, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with myself, and I wasn't sure how I was ever going to keep going.

Over the past 11 months since then, I have moved home, I been job searching tirelessly, I have continued trucking along on that grad school application I've been working on for years, I have been making friends, I have been going out, I have been learning about myself, I have been enjoying life, I have been discovering and loving and learning.

I think I can safely say now that I am my own person.

Yes I still miss Irch from time to time, but not in that 'I wish he would take me back' sort of way, and not even in that 'I miss my friend' sort of way either. We still maintain contact, though no where near the way we used to. He is still some one important in my life - but he is not my life.

But now I feel confident that I can move on, I can do the things I want to without having something in the back of my mind thinking about him.

I have a pretty good group of friends here in town, who know me - the real me, and I can talk to them when I need to and we laugh and tease and play and have fun together. I am still single, but it's not some terrible thing anymore, I'm ok with being single and I'm enjoying the things that come along with it.

And I am enjoying the chance to live a life on my own for once.

And that was the point of this blog. To move from that place of utter dejection and hurt, to move past a place where I could only see hurt and pain.

And I think over the past year or so, I have managed that. I feel good on my own, and I feel happy and excited to see where this year is going to take me.

So I'm not sure if I'm going to keep writing or not - I know I've been pretty sparse recently, but I've been going through the business of living. I'm sure to pop my head in from time to time, but for the most part I am done.

Maybe when there is something new and exciting going on I'll stop by and let you know. I want to thank everyone who has been reading with me and offering support and love over this past year. It's been good to know I haven't been alone, it's been comforting to know there are people out there who cared about me when things fell apart.

And I just wanted to take the time to say thank you, and let you know I'm living.

New Year

Well ... we're into the new year, ready to start a whole new year of experiences and things.

I'm not really one for resolutions, mostly because I don't keep the ones I make. But I want this year to be a better year. I want to spend this year having fun, and enjoying being me, being young and single and exploring things about myself that I haven't before. I want to spend this year looking for fun instead of reminding myself of past hurts. And I want to spend this year continuing to learn more about myself the way I have been the last several months.

I had a nice start to the new year, yesterday when I got to spend the evening with my friend from last week. It was a nice change of pace to go downtown for an evening, I haven't actually been down there in years. So it was fun and different and very new for me.

I am hoping this year will hold lots more fun and different experiences for me :)

Weekened Fun

I had a rather nice weekend. Or well a rather nice Saturday night if we're going to be specific, but I'd say the whole weekend was a pretty good one. The Christmas music has mostly been put away for the next year, things are quite so hectic with preparations around here, and of course all the presents does go a long way to soothing one's bah humbug temperament.

This weekend though I got to meet a rather nice fellow. He invited me over for a home cooked meal and a movie, and really that just sounded too nice to pass up. So I took him up on his offer, despite that sick feeling I get in my stomach when it comes to meeting new people, I swallowed that down and made the short drive to his apartment.

I have to say I got a very nice welcome at his door. And things like dinner and a movie were sort of pushed back until later in the evening since we were busy enjoying one another's company for a long while.

Got to find out that face slapping is fun.

And it looks like maybe I'll get to see him again this up coming weekend. We shall see. More details to follow and such. But this was a very nice way to end the year and hopefully a good way to start off the new.

Christmas Again

I can't believe it's Christmas again - it's almost next year already, just how did that happen, I ask you?

As far as years go, this one hasn't been the best, all that stuff with Irch aside, I haven't accomplished all the things I set out to do over the past year, I am pretty much the same person today that I was last Christmas. Apart from the spending last Christmas alone, and being single this year.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about this time last year recently. Which is generally not the best idea for me. This time last year, I was gearing up to fly out to California to visit Irch for New Years. I was thinking just how excited I was for the new year, for all the new and exciting things that were going to happen. It's just interesting the way things work out - the best laid plans and all that.

For Christmas this year, all I am hoping for is a better year than the last. To be content and happy with myself and my life.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, which ever you may celebrate and I look forward to sharing this next year with you all.

Homecoming

Well I am back from Indianaland. It was so cold, my poor little Texas self didn't know if I was going to survive the entire trip at some points. But there was snow! And that was pretty great. I think I shall forever be one of those Texans who goes giddy at the sight of snow. It actually snowed here in Texas last night which was amazing and wonderful as well :D

The trip was long and we did all the driving in one go so that was pretty hard too. And unfortunately I didn't get to meet up with my old friend while I was up that way - he was having car troubles. So sadly no new stories, at least not any that have anything to do with him.

There may be someone new in my future, but we'll just have to wait and see about that. I'm sure for the time being I have some older stories I can pull back up to the sunlight.