I've tried to stop watching romances. It still hurts - to watch a couple slowly fall in love, the way they fawn over one another. The kissing, the holding, the pillow talk. I can't watch it anymore without crying - it doesn't matter if the movie isn't a sad one, invariably I take it to that place.
The things I miss the most: Kissing, being held, and "I love you"
Romances bring all those up, don't they - it never fails, at some point you'll get some combination of the three of those ingredients. Even your romantic comedies have these. Which is unfortunate - when did most comedies turn into romantic comedies? Can't we just have funny?
I've been sticking with science fiction mostly - that's usually safe. Unless of course you get some sort of alien love thing going on, but that's usually messy enough that it's alright. Action flicks are generally alright, there's usually only mindless sex in most action flicks and I'm alright with that. And of course there are the dramas, I'm usually alright with those as well.
Of course tonight I broke my rules and watched Ps - I Love You. That was a mistake. It was just heartbreakingly beautiful and so hard to watch. It might not even have been that great of a movie, but he loved her and he told her over and over again. That's what I want, it's what I've been missing.
I could even do without the holding and the kissing, I just need to be told 'I love you' from someone other than my mother. Someone who loves me not because I'm their child, or because I'm their friend, but loves me because I am me. Because there is no one else like me and they couldn't imagine a world without me in it. And I don't know that I'll find that again, not after I was lucky enough to have it once before.
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Starting Over
- k
- "Gently did my soul / Put off her veil, and, self-transmuted, stood / Naked, as in the presence of her God"
3 comments:
it's that fear that i'll never find it again that's the worst of all.
but then the unlikely happens. we know that the unlikely happens. we have to hold on to that...
sending hugs. lots of hugs.
Gives you a big squeeze and hug.
Chin up girl, it will happen, when you least expect it and possibly dont even "need" it.
Smiles
xxxx
Why do us women do this ,watch Rom Com's we know are going to upset us.
Why do we torture ourselves ?
Why do we let our emotions get the better of us ?
We all just want be loved by the right person ,it should be so simple but life is just so not simple.
Lets hope the heart gets what the heart wants.
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